I’m neurodivergent (ND). I found out when I was 19 and one day, I can tell a bit about how I was diagnosed.

Although I was diagnosed by 19, definitely, I was born like this.

When I found out, my whole life made sense. I always thought I was a bit odd compared to the other kids. But I never really understood why.

I always had very specific topics that I’d love to talk about. And the topics can be pretty broad. I can talk for hours about the Sega vs. Nintendo 90s war or maybe talk about the impacts of tranquilizers advertising for housewives in the 60s.

Currently, my hyperfocus is fixated on Kubrick’s movies.

And I do love to be an ND person. Especially, when I found other ND people that I can flood my hyperfocus on.

But being an ND person in a neurotypical (NT) world can be quite challenging. And I would like to start this series with my personal biggest challenge: talking to NT people.

Usually, ND people have a very pragmatic way of communicating. We tend to be more direct and say exactly what we mean. NT has a way - that really drives me mad - to say things in a kind of doublespeak.

In some cultures, our blunt and direct communication style can be seen as rude. But on the other hand, sometimes we cannot really understand what neurotypical wants from us with that dubious communication.

I remember when I used to review code when I was in Zenith Aerospace. I used to be really direct about the defects in the code, making comments like, “I’m not sure how this even works. This can clearly lead to UB.” One day, a good NT friend told me how hurt people could get by my comments in the code and it could disengage them from coding. For me, I was just saying “This is broken, fix it.” But in the neurotypical world, this is not how it works. Then, I learned about the fabulous world of non-aggressive communication.

Nowadays, when I review code, I try to be assertive, but not rude to the person. I learned that it is nice to compliment your partner’s work before asking for changes.

The Bridge

It’s on NT people, as much as it is ND people, to bridge the communication gap.

More often than not, NT people put the responsibility on ND individuals to adapt and conform to NT expectations of communication, which can be harmful and counterproductive to the community.

These expectations can hurt ND people trying to land a job or keep their jobs. Gladly, I work in an ND-friendly company (BTW I work at Igalia), but not every ND individual is as fortunate as I am. Most of these folks, who are ND and communicate in ways that NTs might find a bit different, have stories about how they’ve had a tough time landing a job, holding onto one, or moving up in their careers because people tend to think that without those so-called “essential skills,” they won’t be as good at what they do.

So, I gathered some tips to bridge this NT/ND communication gap.

Disclaimer: These tips are based on my personal experience and some years of psychotherapy. I’m not a mental health professional. I’m just an ND open-source developer.

I’m neurotypical. What should I do?

My first tip to talk to an ND person is to communicate clearly and unambiguously. Yeah, this doesn’t mean the same for everyone, but you can’t go wrong with keeping your language free of euphemisms, sarcasm, and vagueness.

Personally, I always say to my coworkers that they can communicate with me as directly as possible. This makes it easier for me to understand what they want from me. It’s pretty difficult to be to handle broad tasks. I need some scope to work on. But this is my functional style. Different ND people have different styles.

As an NT person, you can ask your ND coworkers if you are being clear enough.

Also, we need to be mindful of the environment, as background noise and other sensory input can make it more difficult for ND people to process what is being said.

One thing that I can surely recommend to everyone (ND or NT) is learning about assertive communication. Assertive communication is a style of expressing oneself that involves confidently stating thoughts, feelings, and needs while respecting the rights and opinions of others. In assertive communication, individuals communicate their ideas clearly and directly without being aggressive or overly passive. It involves expressing opinions, setting boundaries, and standing up for oneself calmly and respectfully.

Finally, an important aspect to consider is that ND people can go through different states in a single day. This means that we can have tons of energy in the morning and then, feel completely overwhelmed in the afternoon. Maybe we are in some sort of hyperfocus about tax deduction in Brazil (yeah, true story).

I’m neurodivergent. What should I do?

My go-to tip is to ask! I used to be shy, and my NT coworkers would say things to me that I didn’t really understand. But instead of asking what they mean, I would stay in doubt and get frustrated.

The best thing I learned was to ask questions. Also, inform my coworkers about my communication style. Then, they can be more assertive with me and the communication flows more easily.

Until this point, I never got any negative feedback from asking questions or telling my coworkers that “I’m an ND person, and if possible I would like you to be as clear as possible.”

Okay, I work in this super awesome company, but I’m pretty sure that no NT will take it in a negative way to ask what they mean.

I’m neurodivergent, but I don’t feel comfortable disclosing this information to my employer

Just a small group of ND workers feel okay talking about their neurodivergence at work. In a 2017 report, it said that “about 30% of college-educated folks working office jobs had some kind of disability,” but only 3.2% actually told their bosses about it. And this isn’t just about the invisible disabilities that come with being ND (and surely, not everyone with ND thinks of themselves as disabled).

Gladly, I work in Igalia. So, I felt pretty free to disclose that I’ve been an ND person ever since my job interview.

But, if you don’t feel free to disclose to your employer about being neurodivergent, you can try assertive communication with your coworkers. I’m pretty sure this can help you.

A Final Word

I never introduced myself as an ND person. Usually, I only mention this fact after a couple of contact with the person. I still fear the repercussions this information could have in my life. We never know who is listening to this information. We never know what they could be thinking about us. What sort of ideas do they have about what is a ND person? Does this person believe that an ND person is a disabled person?

After a great talk to my mentor, I realized I should be more proud of my ND. It’s part of who I am, and I can try to help our community be more friendly to ND people.

Maybe we can start to close this communiction gap in our community.